The Arizona Republic is filling up with sob stories about illegal immigrants who are pulling up roots and moving out of the state because at the end of next month Arizona police will, under limited circumstances, have the authority to ask about a person's immigration status. Because, you know, being an immigrant and not having your papers in order is now a state crime. It already was a federal crime, but state police didn't have the authority to ask, and federal agents are thin on the ground here.
I'm not totally unsympathetic. It sucks really hard to have to leave your home and friends and pull your children out of school and start a new life somewhere else. I understand that it is painful. I understand that this will have an effect on businesses that cater to the immigrant population. But I also understand that, for the most part, those who are now fleeing knew that they were breaking the law. They made a choice to either come here by unlawful means, or to stay when their legally issued documents expired.
It's especially sad for the mixed families, where some of the members are either American citizens or here legally. And the children. It's not the American children's fault that their parents are here illegally, but they are going to have to pay the price for their parents actions. This is the case when any parent commits a crime, except in this case the children have a chance of staying with their parents. If you commit a crime and go to jail, your child doesn't usually get to go with you, you know? Taking your child home with you to Mexico is not the worst thing that could happen.
This law is also going to have an effect on the state's economy. If a large number of immigrants leave, then there will be a smaller pool of workers available to our service and agricultural industries. Our farms, construction companies, landscaping businesses, all of them will have difficulties. Some may have to close. Others will have to raise rates. We may have to pay more for locally grown vegetables. We may have to actually *gasp* maintain our own yards! What a horrible thing! (Can you smell the sarcasm?)
In a way, I think this is actually a positive effect. For too much of our history America has thrived on the sweat of our migrant (and slave) workers. Perhaps it is time for Americans to realize that there is a lot of hard manual labor required for us to maintain the cozy standard of living to which we all seem to think we are entitled. Maybe our children will take summer jobs working for landscape companies, or farms. Maybe they will learn that life is not always handed to you on a platter with au jus on the side. Maybe they will grow up to be stronger than those of us who wouldn't know one end of a shovel from another.
I am sad for the people who's lives are being disrupted, but I feel that this is the right course of action for Arizona.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Just once can it be ok?
Fear of failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Somehow I can't seem to remember that.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Trapped
There is a fair amount of talk going around about advances in communication with people in a persistent vegetative state. I'm not going to talk about the moral obligations that these new studies lay upon us. I can see that this would make the incredibly difficult decision of removing or retaining life support that much more agonizing for the loved ones of someone in such a condition.
In my case, however. please pull the plug.
I don't care if I'm able to answer yes or no questions based on my thought patterns. I don't care if I'm still mentally functioning on some level. If my world has been reduced to a bed with wires and tubes running in and out of me, unable to handle basic functions, with no real hope of moving beyond that, I should be let go.
Ever read the book, "Johnny Got His Gun", or seen the movie? If you haven't, watch it. That is my greatest nightmare. Trapped within my mind with no escape. Slowly losing my sanity.
This is why I have an living will. I don't ever want anyone to think that I want to live just because there is a slight chance I might still be sentient. I have no fear of dying. I have no fear of living in a tiny cage, or being physically restrained, because at least then I can fight, I still have control of my body. Once that is gone, please - let my soul free. Some prisons are just too small.
In my case, however. please pull the plug.
I don't care if I'm able to answer yes or no questions based on my thought patterns. I don't care if I'm still mentally functioning on some level. If my world has been reduced to a bed with wires and tubes running in and out of me, unable to handle basic functions, with no real hope of moving beyond that, I should be let go.
Ever read the book, "Johnny Got His Gun", or seen the movie? If you haven't, watch it. That is my greatest nightmare. Trapped within my mind with no escape. Slowly losing my sanity.
This is why I have an living will. I don't ever want anyone to think that I want to live just because there is a slight chance I might still be sentient. I have no fear of dying. I have no fear of living in a tiny cage, or being physically restrained, because at least then I can fight, I still have control of my body. Once that is gone, please - let my soul free. Some prisons are just too small.
Things I Can't Imagine
"Director Albert Hughes (Menace II Society, From Hell, The Book of Eli) told The Kevin and Josh Movie Show in a Friday radio interview that Warner Brothers gave him a "mandate" for a PG-13 rating on the planned live-action films of Katsuhiro Otomo's Akira science-fiction manga."
Akira was never my favorite manga or anime. However, I have a great deal of respect for it's style. I'm wondering how the director can keep it PG-13 while still fully exploring the more mature themes in the story line.
Then again, the Batman reboots have been PG-13...maybe it can be done....
Akira was never my favorite manga or anime. However, I have a great deal of respect for it's style. I'm wondering how the director can keep it PG-13 while still fully exploring the more mature themes in the story line.
Then again, the Batman reboots have been PG-13...maybe it can be done....
Friday, June 18, 2010
Finally!
I've managed to dig out my office! I can see my desk! Oh, baby - it's been so long!
A few more hours of organization and I will have an official place to work and write. I'm really quite excited. Possibly as early as this weekend I will be able to write something more substantial than a grocery list!.
Hopefully my exercise program will last longer than a week and inspire me to get into a daily routine of running, writing, reading, and meditating. I'm so full of hope that I can get myself back to the life I really want to live, as well as learning to be a supportive and responsible wife and, hopefully, a loving mother. I like having high goals.
Really, really wanting to start some sewing projects. Possibly this weekend I'll hit the thrift stores and see if I can find a sewing table so I can get set up, and a book to start learning simple projects. Eventually I'd like to be able to make my own clothing (mostly dresses and skirts - I'm really not much of a pants girl even though i wear them most of the time now.)
I want to set up some writing goals for next week, I just can't decide if it should be to produce new work or to edit.
Arizona has officially entered what I consider to be summer. It's expected to be at least 105 every day for the foreseeable future, which means I can add sunbathing to my morning routine and have an excuse to use the misters on the patio! The wall around the yard is high enough that I can get away with wearing a bikini and not scare passerbys. I want to get tan all over - I let myself turn Simpsons Yellow over the last two years, which is not a good look for me. Of course, the honeymoon cruise allowed me to pick up some color, so now I'm two-toned until I can get the rest of my body tanned. ^_^
I'm several hours late for interval training, so I guess I should get going. To the treadmill!!!
A few more hours of organization and I will have an official place to work and write. I'm really quite excited. Possibly as early as this weekend I will be able to write something more substantial than a grocery list!.
Hopefully my exercise program will last longer than a week and inspire me to get into a daily routine of running, writing, reading, and meditating. I'm so full of hope that I can get myself back to the life I really want to live, as well as learning to be a supportive and responsible wife and, hopefully, a loving mother. I like having high goals.
Really, really wanting to start some sewing projects. Possibly this weekend I'll hit the thrift stores and see if I can find a sewing table so I can get set up, and a book to start learning simple projects. Eventually I'd like to be able to make my own clothing (mostly dresses and skirts - I'm really not much of a pants girl even though i wear them most of the time now.)
I want to set up some writing goals for next week, I just can't decide if it should be to produce new work or to edit.
Arizona has officially entered what I consider to be summer. It's expected to be at least 105 every day for the foreseeable future, which means I can add sunbathing to my morning routine and have an excuse to use the misters on the patio! The wall around the yard is high enough that I can get away with wearing a bikini and not scare passerbys. I want to get tan all over - I let myself turn Simpsons Yellow over the last two years, which is not a good look for me. Of course, the honeymoon cruise allowed me to pick up some color, so now I'm two-toned until I can get the rest of my body tanned. ^_^
I'm several hours late for interval training, so I guess I should get going. To the treadmill!!!
Things I Want at the Moment
A sewing machine table
A banjo
Someone to paint the house
A better digital camera
A Llama
Rosetta Stone - Japanese (all levels)
Elegantly framed art prints
A set of cat hair clippers
A Gibson PR5-E
A calligrapher to do the family pages in our bible
Soft, dewy skin
The complete Criterion Collection
Muscles that didn't ache so darn much.
A banjo
Someone to paint the house
A better digital camera
A Llama
Rosetta Stone - Japanese (all levels)
Elegantly framed art prints
A set of cat hair clippers
A Gibson PR5-E
A calligrapher to do the family pages in our bible
Soft, dewy skin
The complete Criterion Collection
Muscles that didn't ache so darn much.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Day Two - In the Foothills
The second day of an exercise regimen is always the worst. Or is it the third day? I can't remember.
I do know that, after the first jogging interval, my legs suddenly started to feel rubbery. I wondered if I should stop, because that didn't seem like a good sign. And hey, who would know if I didn't finish my routine? Nobody! I don't have to do this! Nobody is forcing me!
Except....
Me. I'm forcing me. Because I have a goal. And the only way to meet that goal is to follow through faithfully. So I continue all the way through to the end (with a few pauses because my heart rate was registering around 195 and that's never a good thing but I paused the timer too so there was a full 30 minutes of actual activity.)
After the routine I was lightheaded and weak, but I had the satisfaction of not giving up on something, and that feels mighty good.
I do know that, after the first jogging interval, my legs suddenly started to feel rubbery. I wondered if I should stop, because that didn't seem like a good sign. And hey, who would know if I didn't finish my routine? Nobody! I don't have to do this! Nobody is forcing me!
Except....
Me. I'm forcing me. Because I have a goal. And the only way to meet that goal is to follow through faithfully. So I continue all the way through to the end (with a few pauses because my heart rate was registering around 195 and that's never a good thing but I paused the timer too so there was a full 30 minutes of actual activity.)
After the routine I was lightheaded and weak, but I had the satisfaction of not giving up on something, and that feels mighty good.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Couch to 5K in 9 Weeks?
I should have written hours ago.
I should have done a lot of things hours ago, while the endorphins from this morning's interval training was still racing through my body. Now the only thing racing through my body is pain.
And I have to do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that, before my body stops complaining and I can start seriously working on my goal to run 5K.
Yes, my lazy pizza filled butt is going to run, an activity I haven't been able to do for almost 15 years. Barring injury, I'm going to train six mornings a week, gradually working my way up to a full jog, then hopefully a run.
If my ankles hold up. And my back.
I should have done a lot of things hours ago, while the endorphins from this morning's interval training was still racing through my body. Now the only thing racing through my body is pain.
And I have to do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that, before my body stops complaining and I can start seriously working on my goal to run 5K.
Yes, my lazy pizza filled butt is going to run, an activity I haven't been able to do for almost 15 years. Barring injury, I'm going to train six mornings a week, gradually working my way up to a full jog, then hopefully a run.
If my ankles hold up. And my back.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
No Regrets
Last night proved two things:
1. I am really getting old
2. I'm willing to put aside my age for good music.
Miyavi is one of those artists that shine best when they are on stage. I love his albums, but his music is best heard live where he can share his true spirit with the audience. The energy that young man emits in person is incredible, and his style is always evolving, so even songs I've heard so many times before sound fresh and new.
Miyavi is not a "guitarist's guitarist," but his style of playing is genius. I found myself entralled with watching his hands during solos, because his technique is so different from what I'm used to seeing. This tour we are seeing lot of focus on his guitar playing - he's playing with only two support musicians - and the sound that he puts out is beyond belief. He carried the entire crowd on a wave of almost pure Funk at times - a style that is sadly lacking in today's popular music scene.
If I could follow this tour I would. If there is a tour DVD released I am so getting it.
We stilll have a few hours in LA before we have to head back to Phoenix and a return to real life. I'm not sure what we're going to do with that time yet.
1. I am really getting old
2. I'm willing to put aside my age for good music.
Miyavi is one of those artists that shine best when they are on stage. I love his albums, but his music is best heard live where he can share his true spirit with the audience. The energy that young man emits in person is incredible, and his style is always evolving, so even songs I've heard so many times before sound fresh and new.
Miyavi is not a "guitarist's guitarist," but his style of playing is genius. I found myself entralled with watching his hands during solos, because his technique is so different from what I'm used to seeing. This tour we are seeing lot of focus on his guitar playing - he's playing with only two support musicians - and the sound that he puts out is beyond belief. He carried the entire crowd on a wave of almost pure Funk at times - a style that is sadly lacking in today's popular music scene.
If I could follow this tour I would. If there is a tour DVD released I am so getting it.
We stilll have a few hours in LA before we have to head back to Phoenix and a return to real life. I'm not sure what we're going to do with that time yet.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Doing Without
I travel pretty heavy. I usually have several pieces of electronic equipment on or near my person at all times. My purse weighs in at between 8 and 11 pounds depending on how many books I'm carrying.
This weekend, John and I are going to Los Angeles with a friend (said friend and I are going to see a Japanese musician named Miyavi Saturday night.) I'm challenging myself to take as little with me as possible for this weekend.
Culling is difficult. I don't actually have a small pocketbook/purse, which means I'm going to have to buy one (not a bad thing.) I'm not taking a laptop, but that is partially because I am taking my iPhone. I'm only going to take one book and one journal. I'm going to skip the camera because there is one in the iPhone. I'm taking only one credit card and my ID. One lipstick, one gloss, painkillers (just in case,) eyeglasses (just in case,) and only what clothing and toiletries will fit into my gym bag.
This probably sounds like a normal amount of stuff. I never claimed to be normal. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get by on just this. And to think I used to do this all the time - just pick up and go with a change of clothes and $40 in my pocket.
I should probably start packing now....
This weekend, John and I are going to Los Angeles with a friend (said friend and I are going to see a Japanese musician named Miyavi Saturday night.) I'm challenging myself to take as little with me as possible for this weekend.
Culling is difficult. I don't actually have a small pocketbook/purse, which means I'm going to have to buy one (not a bad thing.) I'm not taking a laptop, but that is partially because I am taking my iPhone. I'm only going to take one book and one journal. I'm going to skip the camera because there is one in the iPhone. I'm taking only one credit card and my ID. One lipstick, one gloss, painkillers (just in case,) eyeglasses (just in case,) and only what clothing and toiletries will fit into my gym bag.
This probably sounds like a normal amount of stuff. I never claimed to be normal. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get by on just this. And to think I used to do this all the time - just pick up and go with a change of clothes and $40 in my pocket.
I should probably start packing now....
It's Amazing
I have a little less stuff than I had yesterday.
My life is less cluttered by a handful of makeup that I don't use and a pile of bootleg anime dvds that I purchased years ago and have either replaced with legitimate copies or am not going to watch anyway.
The book storage problem is growing. Now that I've fished all the strays from under the bed and the tables, there are rows double stacked on some shelves. There is no real organization, though the manga is mostly together in the bedroom and the Beats are behind the recliner in the living room. Everything else is all jumbled together - I really have no idea what I own anymore.
Even so, things are improving. The bedroom is completely clean again, as is the living room (aside from a little dusting and a quick vacuuming.) Next stop - kitchen. Then the office, which I've been dreading for weeks because it is still piled with wedding stuff that needs to be sorted. (Note: wedding was two months ago yesterday and I still don't have all the thank you notes out.)
I'm amazed at how focused I've been this morning. Also, I'm amazed that I'm writing. It's only a little bit, but little bits become big bits, and repetition becomes habit, and out of reality will eventually come fiction.
Back to work....
My life is less cluttered by a handful of makeup that I don't use and a pile of bootleg anime dvds that I purchased years ago and have either replaced with legitimate copies or am not going to watch anyway.
The book storage problem is growing. Now that I've fished all the strays from under the bed and the tables, there are rows double stacked on some shelves. There is no real organization, though the manga is mostly together in the bedroom and the Beats are behind the recliner in the living room. Everything else is all jumbled together - I really have no idea what I own anymore.
Even so, things are improving. The bedroom is completely clean again, as is the living room (aside from a little dusting and a quick vacuuming.) Next stop - kitchen. Then the office, which I've been dreading for weeks because it is still piled with wedding stuff that needs to be sorted. (Note: wedding was two months ago yesterday and I still don't have all the thank you notes out.)
I'm amazed at how focused I've been this morning. Also, I'm amazed that I'm writing. It's only a little bit, but little bits become big bits, and repetition becomes habit, and out of reality will eventually come fiction.
Back to work....
A New Challenge!
Monday.
Monday I tackle the dreaded rice cooker.
There will be rice every day until I get it right.
I'm a little nervous because, even though I've longed for this rice cooker for years, it seems so much more complicated than the one I've been using for years. Steamed rice instead of boiled rice. I wonder if I can manage?
I've been asking my body what it wants to eat, and it's telling me sticky rice, steamed asparagus, and chicken teriyaki. I wonder if I can make proper bento rice?
Alright!
I'm going to work hard today!
Monday I tackle the dreaded rice cooker.
There will be rice every day until I get it right.
I'm a little nervous because, even though I've longed for this rice cooker for years, it seems so much more complicated than the one I've been using for years. Steamed rice instead of boiled rice. I wonder if I can manage?
I've been asking my body what it wants to eat, and it's telling me sticky rice, steamed asparagus, and chicken teriyaki. I wonder if I can make proper bento rice?
Alright!
I'm going to work hard today!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Taking Things for Granted
I've forgotten how wonderful it feels to breathe.
Just taking a few breaths mindfully, it makes such a difference. Somehow, over the past couple of years, it has slipped away from me. Meditation - right now I cannot keep my mind still for even a few seconds. I'm woefully out of practice.
How long has it been since I've simply sat still and existed? How long since I've taken a bite of food and actually tasted it? How long since I've taken a walk? It's been years. Years connected to my news feeds, music blogs, web comics. Years of constant email updates, virtual worlds, online games -slash- skinner boxes. Instant gratification.
I carry a netbook with me at all times so that I can check in any time there is wi-fi available. I now have a smartphone which allows me to check in anywhere, period. And I do. I can't go five minutes without updating - is there a new email, a new news article. Has a friend updated their blog? Something amusing on Fark? I have to know.
I have a recliner in my living room. I spend at least eight hours a day sitting in it. I believe I'm forgetting how to sit up straight. My rump is starting to conform to the shape of the cushions. There is a permanent bruise over my right knee where I balance my laptop.
I'm too busy updating to create. I haven't written a bit of fiction in longer than I can remember. Somewhere along the line I've forgotten how to be creative. This thought, more than anything else, frightens me. If I do not create, then what am I? I have all these wonderful tools at my fingertips, but somehow I have let them take control of me rather than I of them. I exist...why? I've lost my purpose as a sentient being. But...there is hope.
Somewhere, outside of the mind altering drugs that keep me, there is still a spark inside of me that is aware. If I nurture it, perhaps I can pull myself back. I can find meaning in life again. Slowly. I need to ask my body what it needs. I need to ask my mind what it needs. I need to ask my soul what it needs. I need to start.
I think, one breath at a time, I can regain my focus. If I slow my breathing, slow my mind, slow the relentless assault of information - perhaps I can regain my sanity.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Just taking a few breaths mindfully, it makes such a difference. Somehow, over the past couple of years, it has slipped away from me. Meditation - right now I cannot keep my mind still for even a few seconds. I'm woefully out of practice.
How long has it been since I've simply sat still and existed? How long since I've taken a bite of food and actually tasted it? How long since I've taken a walk? It's been years. Years connected to my news feeds, music blogs, web comics. Years of constant email updates, virtual worlds, online games -slash- skinner boxes. Instant gratification.
I carry a netbook with me at all times so that I can check in any time there is wi-fi available. I now have a smartphone which allows me to check in anywhere, period. And I do. I can't go five minutes without updating - is there a new email, a new news article. Has a friend updated their blog? Something amusing on Fark? I have to know.
I have a recliner in my living room. I spend at least eight hours a day sitting in it. I believe I'm forgetting how to sit up straight. My rump is starting to conform to the shape of the cushions. There is a permanent bruise over my right knee where I balance my laptop.
I'm too busy updating to create. I haven't written a bit of fiction in longer than I can remember. Somewhere along the line I've forgotten how to be creative. This thought, more than anything else, frightens me. If I do not create, then what am I? I have all these wonderful tools at my fingertips, but somehow I have let them take control of me rather than I of them. I exist...why? I've lost my purpose as a sentient being. But...there is hope.
Somewhere, outside of the mind altering drugs that keep me, there is still a spark inside of me that is aware. If I nurture it, perhaps I can pull myself back. I can find meaning in life again. Slowly. I need to ask my body what it needs. I need to ask my mind what it needs. I need to ask my soul what it needs. I need to start.
I think, one breath at a time, I can regain my focus. If I slow my breathing, slow my mind, slow the relentless assault of information - perhaps I can regain my sanity.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Is it really Tuesday?
Somehow I've managed to lose an entire month. Mostly a long, deep trough of depression, highlighted with a few episodes of the mean reds, my life for the past few weeks has been a disorganized mess. I am seriously lacking the one thing I need most - structure. I've tried self imposing, but getting out of bed has been so hard and, having already messed up my carefully planned schedule, it just seems kind of pointless to pick it up later - it's so much easier to just wait and try again tomorrow. And that way points directly toward failure city.
I'm not very good at kicking my own ass.
The list of things I need to do is growing. I'm not writing, I'm not working, I'm not exercising, I'm not studying. It's not like I have a difficult life - I'm just avoiding discomfort. I probably should explore that a bit, try to delve into what it means and why I'm doing it.
Or I could just get off my butt and do something.
I'm not very good at kicking my own ass.
The list of things I need to do is growing. I'm not writing, I'm not working, I'm not exercising, I'm not studying. It's not like I have a difficult life - I'm just avoiding discomfort. I probably should explore that a bit, try to delve into what it means and why I'm doing it.
Or I could just get off my butt and do something.
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