It's a curious thing. I have so much to write about, but there is little of it that I feel I can share outside of my small circle, when really I want to shout it from the rooftops. Perhaps it is enough to say that I am very happy right now, taking nothing for granted, and feel more alive than I have in a very long time.
Also just noticed that my keyboard is dusty from disuse. I'll deal with that later.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
It was worth trying
At the end of the week I will be ending my work assignment. Really, I took it just to see if I could handle an office position again. Answer: No.
On one hand, I feel let down with myself. It's not the work - I love the work. For someone like me, it's fun. If I could do my work in a room with a door, I'd be more than fine. But in the middle of a cubicle farm I'm just not able to handle it. So, it's back to where I was four weeks ago, with a little more knowledge about my limits. And a small amount of pocket change. So for an experiment it's not such a bad thing.
I'm working hard on remaining peaceful. It's more difficult than it sounds. There are things swirling around me that I don't understand, but I'm going to let them swirl without taking action until I understand in fullness. I'm happy in certain ways, worried in others, and just a tiny bit afraid. Relaxing my defenses a bit so that I can experience these feelings and grok them to the best of my ability.
Maybe I can write some small bits of it as fiction - it's all too strange to be true.
On one hand, I feel let down with myself. It's not the work - I love the work. For someone like me, it's fun. If I could do my work in a room with a door, I'd be more than fine. But in the middle of a cubicle farm I'm just not able to handle it. So, it's back to where I was four weeks ago, with a little more knowledge about my limits. And a small amount of pocket change. So for an experiment it's not such a bad thing.
I'm working hard on remaining peaceful. It's more difficult than it sounds. There are things swirling around me that I don't understand, but I'm going to let them swirl without taking action until I understand in fullness. I'm happy in certain ways, worried in others, and just a tiny bit afraid. Relaxing my defenses a bit so that I can experience these feelings and grok them to the best of my ability.
Maybe I can write some small bits of it as fiction - it's all too strange to be true.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Short and Sweet
I am going to be basic and just say that it was a good weekend. I'm happy, though I'm probably leaving some people confused. I'll straighten it out later.
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