At the end of the week I will be ending my work assignment. Really, I took it just to see if I could handle an office position again. Answer: No.
On one hand, I feel let down with myself. It's not the work - I love the work. For someone like me, it's fun. If I could do my work in a room with a door, I'd be more than fine. But in the middle of a cubicle farm I'm just not able to handle it. So, it's back to where I was four weeks ago, with a little more knowledge about my limits. And a small amount of pocket change. So for an experiment it's not such a bad thing.
I'm working hard on remaining peaceful. It's more difficult than it sounds. There are things swirling around me that I don't understand, but I'm going to let them swirl without taking action until I understand in fullness. I'm happy in certain ways, worried in others, and just a tiny bit afraid. Relaxing my defenses a bit so that I can experience these feelings and grok them to the best of my ability.
Maybe I can write some small bits of it as fiction - it's all too strange to be true.
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