Tea with the Duchess

One of dearest friends is a tea reviewer.  Today is our weekly get-together, and I have the privilege of tasting new teas with her! ^_^ I must admit that my palate is not nearly as refined as hers (at least not on teas - scotches maybe more so. I learn a lot when I drink with her, but mostly I'm enjoy the mental and physical ritual of enjoying tea with her. 

Our first tea of the afternoon was a black tea.  I have not been drinking a lot of black teas recently, so it is a pleasant change.  This one tastes like a sunny late October afternoon in the Shenandoah mountains, sitting on the back porch - a day where he grass is still green, but only a last few russet colored leaves rustle in the wind, a day when you can still feel summer's kiss, but have a fire laid awaiting against the evening's chill.  I feel like I want to curl up under a quilt while sipping this.  A very enjoyable tea, not too heavy on the tannins, but still a roasted flavor.  I smell honey mead and she smells pine nuts, but in the end each person's interpretation of a team or of any experience, belongs to that individual alone.  

At this moment I am filled with contentment and joy.  It sometimes feel strange that, in this technically-oriented world that pushes us to rush forward and constantly "do", that I can sit for hours over a cup of tea with a friend, but times like this truly are the happiest in my life. 

And she will lead us out of the wilderness

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."


Sometimes it's like a lightbulb, things seem like they might actually make sense for once. There is a reason I am here right now, and why I must search.  I know this doesn't make sense to anyone but myself, but I've never felt destiny like this before.  Maybe it's not, but I think it may be.  My purpose is to serve, and the Dear One is called to lead.  I can almost see where - the fog still covers the path between, but I can see through it just a bit.  


I think...it is something I can have faith in. 

Creating income

"I just can't find a job!" 

Last night we had a casual tea gathering, and I was talking to a few people who had the same complaint:  they are intelligent, educated, experienced in their fields, but because of the current economy simply cannot find work at all.  I can understand this - too many people are competing for too few existing jobs.  It's simple when you write it down, but less so when it's personal.  

I look at all these talented people, and then I start to wonder; what could we do as a group that would provide services to others and employment for ourselves?  The idea is peculating in my head right now, but I'm kind of feeling around the edges of an idea.  Possibly...I need to talk to some other people and get feedback before I can put into words better.  

Nosalgia

Everyone remembers Schoolhouse rock, but does anyone remember Time for Timer?



I don't know why this just popped in my head.

Lucid

It is a somewhat novel experience to have a non-forced schedule.  I wake up around 8, have breakfast before 9,  reading in the morning, lunch around 2, unstructured work in the afternoon, dinner before 8, and nothing to eat after that time.  It sound like I'm structuring my day around my meals, but actually I'm structuring my meals around my meds.

I think I'm done with withdrawal symptoms from the trazadone and the adderal.  I've been sleeping well and am alert after I wake.  This is a massive improvement.  I want to keep getting better, so I'm trying to not push myself too much.  The life changes I'm making, they are big ones, but I think as long as I don't try to do too many at one time I shouldn't have too many problems.

I'll be honest, I really don't know where my life is going right now.  Maybe it's midlife crisis or something, although I'm a little young for that, I think.  I've reached a point where I understand that I've done a lot of things for the wrong reasons.  Some of them are changeable, but the consequences are difficult to deal with.

I'm rambling.  I'm not sure what it is I want to say right now, just that there are things I need to deal with in my head and in my life, and I'm not sure where to start.

My own personal suit of armor

Last night someone stood on my back to help relieve some of the tension.  According to them (and the person who tried to work on it afterwards) I do not have knots, I have plates of tension in my back.  It seems that, with what they were putting on my pressure points I should have been screaming, but really I felt no discomfort at all.  My back felt a little better after they finished working on it, but I think I need to have a lot of work done before it feels really good.  

I am never fully relaxed.  From my shoulders to my ankles my muscles are constantly in a state of at least partial contraction.  My jaw is always clenched.  Even the bottoms of my feet are tight.  My body reflects the physical and emotional injuries of over three decades, and I think maybe it's time for me to see some relief.  I wonder what I can do to help relieve all this tension?

Unraveling

Is it that books simply are not made as well as they once were?  My copy of Last Nights of Paris, already pages are starting to come loose.

I am not, as a rule, hard on my books.  I've read books to pieces before, but this book I have only read once before and the spine is not damaged at all.  Yet, there they are, pages six through nine detached and sitting every so slightly out of place.  Was it a bad copy run?  Was the glue not quite right?  I check the binding - a sloppy job; the glue is uneven and some pages are barely secured.  Is this the new norm, or just my bad luck?

A paperback book is never forever, but I want them to survive beyond a few turns of the pages.

The Color of June is Blue

It's a beautiful day in The Valley (get used to hearing that - most days are beautiful here.)

The white noise generator seems to be working.  After one false start I was able to fall asleep and slept through most of the night.  I am also starting to use it during the day while typing or reading on the computer; I think it is helping with my concentration.

This morning I read the first chapter of Last Nights of Paris out loud on the back patio.  I wonder, do I have an attractive voice?  I need to make a list of words that I know, but do not know know to pronounce. It is a strange thing for an adult to need, I suppose, but I never learned phonetics.   I also need help pronouncing the French words in the book.

Today I hope to accomplish many things, most of them cleaning related.  I have fallen off my cleaning schedule, but today I can start it anew.  Wish me luck!

June Reading List

The sun will rise, and the moon will set....

It's been a long dragged out time for me.  So many things going on, and I don't seem to be up for them, physically or mentally.  I'm feeling better today, after a week of not quite being able to get myself together.  I'm still nowhere near 100%, but I'm regaining my health, I hope,  I'm here, but more in the way of a butterfly still in it's cocoon.  With luck and determination I will break free of this shell when the time is right.

While I'm waiting, I'm also attempting to reorganize my reading.  If you know me, I'm generally not a messy person, but my books end up everywhere.  I start a book, put it down, start another one, put it down, and before you know it there are a dozen books scattered from the bedroom to the dining room to the bathroom, all in various states of completion.  I'd really like to change that.  I don't think I could read only one book at a time, but I should limit how many I am reading at once and make a point of finishing them.

So, my list for June is:

Christopher Hibbert - The House of Medici - Its Rise and Fall
Allen Ginsberg -  Journals: Early Fifties Early Sixties
Anais Nin - In Favor of the Sensitive Man
Oscar Acosta - Autobiography of a Brown Buffalo
Philippe Soupault - Last Nights of Paris

Perhaps a bit ambitious for one who has not maintained a reading list in ages, but I want to try for this summer at least.  If I'm not able to write, I should be able to at least read.  I'm also going to start marking up my books, something I've never done before.  Underline passages that speak to me.  Write in the margins.  Learn to live with my books as living beings rather that something that should be preserved unmolested.  Books want to be lived with, I think.   I've always enjoyed reading a dog eared book that someone else has lived with, because it gives me insight into their minds as well.  A stash of #2 pencils and a sharpener are on my list for today.

I wonder, what are your plans?  What are you reading this month, or this year, or however you read?