Blathering

I really don't want to, but I'm going to have to pull back into my shell for a while.  I just don't think I can handle people or my fear of crowds right now.  Too much is going on in my head. 

I don't want to isolate, not really.  I'm so afraid that if I do that, when I return, it will all be gone.  At least, what there is now.  I really can't judge if there is anything or not.  Problematic. 

I hate being emotionally vulnerable.  This whole summer I've opened myself to the possibility of being hurt, and granted there have been a few paper cuts, but nothing serious, I think.  Right now, though, I feel like I'm made of spun glass.  Everything is blurry, uncertain.  I really don't know where to go from here.  I don't know where "here" is.  I don't know what I can trust.  I know that my own perceptions are untrustworthy. 

I really just don't know what to do right now.  I need guidance from somewhere.  I'm admitting it.  I really don't know what I'm doing, or what the right thing to do is.  I'm so lost. 

This weekend is going to be hell.