Words hurt.

Aaron Beck, MD, a psychiatrist and the author of Prisoners of Hate: The Cognitive Basis of Anger, Hostility and Violence, believes that people who are prone to attacking others—whether verbally or physically—regard life as a battle, often as a result of overcontrolling parents or other authority figures. They're continually mobilized to fight because of a pattern of perceiving belligerence in other's behavior, Beck writes. In essence, the antagonist concludes that everyone is seeking to oust or joust her—which is why she jumps for another's jugular before this "enemy" can take her down. 
(taken from Attack-of-the-Killer-Comment)



My life is plagued by such a person.  I won't name names or point fingers, but for months I've been on defense against a person who seems to think that every person is against her, that everything is a battle, that every differing opinion is a reason to attack.  I've watched her do it to others I care about, and I've experienced her caustic words myself more times than I care to remember.  


I don't have any ill feelings against her, but every time she hurts someone I care about I lose more respect for her.  I cannot understand what drives her anger: is it caused by fear, or by harm done to her at some point?  In my darker moments I contemplate that she is simply a sociopath, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the case.  My instincts direct me to avoid her, and I tell myself every time I respond that it is the last time - that I'm not going to waste any more energy on her negativity.  Then she attacks again, and I find myself jumping to defend myself or someone else before I know it.  


I've tried meditation, I've tried prayer.  I've tried to understand her, but I'm not good enough yet - I need more practice, I guess.  I feel like, every time I react to her, I have strayed from my quest to think and act mindfully and with compassion - I simply react without hesitation, then feel ill and stressed after.  It makes me feel like something of a failure.  I want to understand what makes her do this, even if there is nothing I can do to help her.