Yes, an emo post. It had to happen eventually.

If I am to live life fully, then I need to do something about my self esteem.

I'm sure that's not the first time I've said that here, and probably won't be the last.

Because I am not the "American Ideal" of a woman in any way, I find it difficult to consider that I could ever be attractive in any way to someone else.  Because of my twisted thinking, I carry so much emotional baggage into relationships that it is almost impossible for them to survive.  I don't want that to happen this time.

I'm not being self pitying, though I've been accused of that sometimes.  I really want to get better.  I want to feel good about myself.  I want to do things that make me happy.  I want to do things to make those I love happy.  But...

I really don't think I can do it on my own.  At least, not at first.  All good intentions go out the window when you don't wake until after noon and surf the web until dark.

I need to get up.  I need to shower, and eat breakfast, take my meds, see the morning sun, but before that I need to get up and that is where I am failing.  I need ritual.  I need structure.  I need for there to be consequence when I don't do what I know I should be doing.

How do I get these things?  Seriously.  I need a drill sargent  or something, at least in the mornings.  Any takers? ^_^